I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
