Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
