I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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