his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
