I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
