there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
