Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
