OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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