i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
wow bdsm is so cute
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