No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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