Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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