I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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