But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
