Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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