can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
