There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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