i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
