Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
