I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
