I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
