sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
