I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
