i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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