i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
