woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
