is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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