Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
