party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
