I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
