You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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