he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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