my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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