He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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