Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My balls are so social today.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
