It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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