I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
