Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
