Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize