Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
