dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
