Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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