You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
