she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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