i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
