Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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