do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
