she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
