im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
