Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
