we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
