you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
