It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
