Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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