3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
