We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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