I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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